


piña colada

by PersephoneHemingway



Category: Chef RPF
Genre: Crack, F/M, Ficlet, Half-Filipina Reader, Meet-Cute, Poorly Cut Fruit, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Short & Sweet, i've decided that any and all RPFs i write will be named after drinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22646410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersephoneHemingway/pseuds/PersephoneHemingway
Summary: sound girl vs. pineapple (+ a nosy chef)
Relationships: Gordon Ramsay/Reader, Gordon Ramsay/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	piña colada

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WhatItShouldveBeen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatItShouldveBeen/gifts).



> not gonna lie, i never thought i'd be writing rpf. but...  
> insp. by Hell's Smitten, AKA the Hell's Kitchen reader-insert Gordon Ramsay fic you never knew you needed but will no longer be able to live without. it's by WhatItShouldveBeen, check it out!  
> (and by inspired by, i mean instead of a smutty poly-romance with excellently done cooking exposition, mine’s just a description of a time i tried to cut a pineapple poorly).

i.

I mean, when was the last time you saw a fruit in here with a non-edible skin that you actually had a craving for, and enough energy to try and eat?

You were going for this pineapple.

Now how did pineapples work again?

Kinda, shave the sides off in strips with a knife? Sure. Let's go with that.

Oh, wow, lots of knives. You pick one at random and hope for the best.

Okay. Pineapple. Cut the top off... wait. Is it ready?

You tug at one of the spiny leaves atop the pineapple and it comes out smoothly. Perfect.

Right, so cut the top off.

Boom, done. Good so far. Okay. You roll the pineapple back into its normal sitting position and angle your knife down to take a sliver off the side.

Wow, that doesn't go smoothly at all, does it. Maybe a potato peeler... no. Better not.

You're trying really hard to not cut your fingers.

Should you YouTube this? You should YouTube this.

You balance your phone against the counter backsplash and it starts about as you’d expect. Cut the top off. Okay, did that, next. You watch for a minute or so, then turn it off when you feel you’ve got a handle on things.

You do not have a handle on things. You’re cutting it up all uneven, and you can’t figure out how to get the remaining little prickles out of the pineapple flesh without sacrificing large chunks of it.

You wipe the back of your arm against your forehead, and the pineapple juice from the knife slips down to drip into your eye. Took a while for that to stop stinging.

Eventually, you had a solid half-bowl of practical (not pretty) pineapple chunks and a massacred pineapple core. That’s about when you noticed you were being watched… by Chef Ramsay.

"Are- I-“ You turned your head 45 degrees to the side as if you were filming a “breaking the fourth wall” moment.

“Gordon Ramsay just stood and watched me struggle with a pineapple for half an hour... what- is this real life!?" You could barely speak through your incredulous laughter.

He said nothing.

"I'm just the sound girl, I don't know what I'm doing! I’m just supposed to keep your yelling from blowing up viewers' speakers at home!”

He smirked.

"I feel so judged right now and you're not even saying anything, you're just standing there looking at me, and, smiling?"

"Oh, love,"

"You're judging my lunch, stop judging my lunch!"

“Well, while pineapple isn’t a bad choice—”

“Don’t. Say. Another. Word. Let me butcher my pineapple in peace.” The flyaway hairs around your face shook with your breath.

He held up his palms in surrender and took a half-step back, clearly holding back laughter.

“Carry on, love.” And with that, he backed the whole way out of the off-set crew kitchen.

_You just made Gordon Ramsay leave his own kitchen._

You chucked your pineapple top in the trash.

&

The next day, you managed to duck around the corner with your tostadas before he saw.

He did catch you shaking Nature’s Seasons into your ramen noodle cup, though. You were blushing, but you stared him down as you squirted your ball of lemon juice in and stirred it around with a plastic fork.

ii.

You waved a friend off down the hall while you slipped into the kitchen, still smiling from your conversation. After passing the threshold your eyes widened and your lips parted in surprise (and maybe a little fear). Gordon was sitting at the center table where you'd left your offerings and was snacking on your salbaro bread.

"Mm, (Y/N)! You brought the bread? Everyone's been raving about how good it is, so I had to come down and try."

"Uh, yeah, I baked it, actually.."

His face lit up, impressed.

"I was hoping you'd say that! It's delicious, love."

Your blush was burning.

"R-really?"

"Would I lie about food?" He smirked and you shook your head no.

"What is it, some type of coconut bread?"

"Y-yeah! It's shredded coconut, flour, brown sugar, yeast, and water! It's called salbaro bread, from my mom's village in the Philippines!

You paused, embarrassed you'd been rambling.

"Ah, sorry, I'm a little overexcited by how it turned out, I've never made it before and it tastes just like the salbaro I had in Palompon."

Gordon smiled sweetly.

"It's quite alright, love, you should be proud of it. Did you learn from your mum?" He seemed genuinely interested, and you were starstruck under his attention.

"Oh, no actually, she doesn't know how to make it, which is wild because she's such a good cook, and now I know how to make something she doesn't! I'm gonna tell her how, of course, but still!"

“Well, keep it up! You’re much better at baking bread than cutting pineapple, dear.”

You threw your head back and groaned.

He smirked as he picked up another slipper of bread.

**Author's Note:**

> btw i’m serious about the bread, i was really fucking excited when i made it.
> 
> *this is a work of fiction, yada yada, not meant to depict the actual person, it's a character, blah blah blah...


End file.
